Clarity

With startling, absolute, acute clarity, I realized:

I don't have to be afraid anymore.

All of the fear... of being alone... that I would break... that I would curl up and die and the pain would be so unimaginable that I could even begin to bear it....

I have borne it. I have survived it. And I can survive anything, anything that comes my way.

I don't have to be afraid anymore. Of anything.

It's going to hurt like a bitch. For a long time. And I'll be angry, and furious, and have moments of clarity, and then moments of complete and utter sadness.

But I will survive it. As I can survive anything.

I winked at someone today.

Life goes on.