I feel like I might actually throw up.

I don't know what spurred it.

Check that. I do.

It's been:

The lack of sex.

The irritation when I kiss him.

The envy when I see other new couples who are so obviously into each other.

The general boredom that he exhibits whenever I'm around.

The general boredom.

The general boredom.

The unwillingness to do anything about it.

It also had something to do with accidentally stumbling on his old emails and remembering how insanely he loved me... and how often he showed it.

But then again, these things can't sustain. And what the honeymoon phase gives over to is comfort and ease and mutual affection.

But... there isn't even necessarily that.

The thing that we always come back to: he won't try.

Or, he commits to trying in a very vague and uncertain way. Not "I'll go to therapy". Not "Let's work on talking about this". It feels like we're constantly sticking our finger in the dam.

And my frustration is that it's been at the crux of all of our fights. Try. Just... try.

And he doesn't.

I deserve to be met halfway.

I deserve that. And if he can't give me that, then I don't know what to do.

But when I listen to the voice in my heart, I know how big and beautiful my life is with him in it. And it says Please please please. Try for her. Fight for her. Don't end it like this.