The world is full of possibilities. And for the first time I've realized that Sean is not my only one. I have more options than I know what do with.
But Sean's right - a step back is in order.
I have tried my darndest. And I'm sick of goddam trying. I'm going to sit back and let him figure his shit out. And whatever he decides, I know that it won't be for my lack of trying, or any of my shortcomings. But in the meantime, I'm going to fill my life with friends and pastimes and gym visits and coffee breaks and hobbies. I'll finish Meg's quilt. I'll watch Greek episodes. I'll cook at home, and stay at the gym past 8. I'll see my friends, and get Starbucks during my lunch breaks. And when it gets sunny out, I'll take long luxurious walks in the park.
I'll strip my bureau, hang up pictures, bake, and cook delicious meals for me. I'll lounge in my princess marshmallow cloud of a bed and read trashy books.
I thought, when I started this journal, that this was what I would be doing. But now I know with certainty. A night without Sean no longer holds the terror that it did, but instead, comfort and possibilities.
I'm going to fill my life with things that make me happy. And if he's one of them, he's welcome to come along for the ride.
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