Ruminating

All in all, a highly productive weekend. Excellent good times, beautiful moments with friends and lover, good food, good wine, quilting.

I realized last night, while talking to Sean, that (like I said to him this morning), I've never really given his relationship with Michelle or the way it ended up the gravity that it has deserved.

The last relationship where he moved in with a girl, she left him and he moved 8 hours away from everything he knew. The last time he attempted marriage, it ended in a fiery explosion of shit.

I. Get it. I get it now. I get why my pushing and prodding does no good. Until he has a sense that we have some normalcy or stability in our relationship, he's not going to be actively thinking about it. And on the other side, while I'm constantly thinking about it and reveling in it, I'm missing out on us, now.

My time spent with him is wonderful and precious. It's funny and fantastic, and there will be a point in time when I'll miss it. This isn't the step in-between. It's a step, all in its own, and I must, must, must enjoy it. It is only when we are both solidly living in the now that we can build stability and establish ourselves. And that's what I want.